ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
