I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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