All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i can't believe i had my finger in that
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
