just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
and you said cock pushups were impossible
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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