u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
