a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Randomize