found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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