I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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