so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Are we still banned from the library?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Randomize
