I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
