do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
