I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
