Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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