I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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