bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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