Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
