someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
