I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
