hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
