My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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