It's like a parade of train wrecks.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
ok first of all what the fuck
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize