I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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