I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize