Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
