I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
