I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
