My first STD was from a foam party
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
