'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
