I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
