he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
