Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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