I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
