Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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