My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
