in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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