i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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