Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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