Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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