Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize