I wish I only lived at night.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
