If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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