btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
