i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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