Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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