That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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