from now on my penis is your penis
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
