'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
