she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
