Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
