Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
