You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
