never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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