Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Drunk is a universal language darling
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