who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
