i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
There r osticjed everywhere
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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