During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
