Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
