i need an iv and a liver transplant
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
