so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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