Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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