Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
