So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
