i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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