Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I stole a fireplace last night.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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