He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
My cat gives me a boner
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
