I didn't shave. On purpose
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
