you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
When did angry sex become our thing?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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