a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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