i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
