The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
